Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Real squirrels of West Hollywood...

The Location: A two bedroom loft condo in the heart of WEHO.

The Cast: 'Chuck, Hank & Troy' the squirrels, Hollywood Hound Cooper, 'Jason in Hollywood', Mr. Hummingbird and the obligatory noisy neighbour...
WEHO squirrel on the fence

The Synopsis: Instead of attending gala fundraisers and Z-List celebrity parties, this reality TV series follows the day to day life of L.A. transplant house-husband as he watches Project Runway marathons, entertains his energetic six month old puppy and tries to build his budding internet empire, all the while exploring L.A.'s countless bars, eateries and cultural hot-spots.

Now wouldn't you watch that reality TV show I ask?Squirrel of WEHO
Have you ever heard of or seen any of Bravo TV's Real Housewives of Orange County, New York or the latest, Atlanta?  I must admit I've never watched a whole episode as they make me cringe, but I thought they'd be good inspiration for imagining my own reality TV show.  

If you haven't a clue what I'm twittering on about, they are groups of pampered and spoiled women with more money than sense, who don't live in what we would call the 'real world'.  They are also a bit trashy!
Hollywood Hound Cooper on the roof deck
Instead of swanning about town dripping in bling and carrying their designer Gucci, Prada or Chanel handbags, you'd have me walking our pup and carrying hot stinky poop bags at 6am in the morning.

There'd be less shopping for fashion labels (well maybe the occasional G-Star outfit or designer sunglasses) and not so much lunching with the ladies, more doing the laundry, ironing and other household chores. 

Obviously my cast of characters are slightly less quirky and high maintenance than those in 'Real Housewives' and more like a scene from Snow White. You'd have the local squirrels, who have taken to coming onto our roof deck to plant their nuts in our plant pots and beautiful hummingbirds would buzz past the window and indulge in some nectar from our feeder.

I'm sure the squirrels, let's call them Chuck, Hank & Troy (obviously their acting names) are not actually native to L.A. and they've actually moved here like the majority of the people living in Los Angeles to find fame and fortune.
WEHO squirrel
You'd follow my excursions to the hair salon in Beverly Hills and maybe grab a green tea Frappaccino to drink in the sunshine, then hop in the car to drive to the pet store to replenish Cooper's food and toy supplies.

Most days you'd watch me vacuum the apartment to clean up the never-ending dog hair and wipe down the surfaces covered in the dust that seems all too abundant in L.A.

Every other morning I'd work out with my trainer (whilst the money lasts) and in the afternoons take our pup up to Runyon Canyon to give him a good run and spot celebrities (I swear I see E.R. and Coming to America's Eriq La Salle walking on his own every time now!).
Rooftop pup dog tired
Whilst Cooper dozes, every now and again I'd treat myself to an hour down by the pool or up on the roof deck, to get a bit of sun (trying to avoid the neighbourhood kamikaze squirrels falling from the trees).

I'd try not to drink too many cosmos or jokey-colas (vodka and coke), well not before 6pm at least.

Some mornings I'd wake up cranky because, one, it was early and two, we'd also been kept awake by our neighbours latest sex-ploits - the joys of paper-thin condo walls!

You'd watch as I wander around L.A. snapping away with my camera, trying to find the latest inside scoop to feature on my blog and when that fails I'll just take another dozen pictures or so of adorable Cooper.
Rooftop pup on the sun lounger
Occasionally I'd treat myself to a movie at the Arclight Hollywood in the daytime and pick up my fresh batch of comics every Wednesday morning.

I'd walk the aisles of the supermarkets and ponder what delights to buy so that I can do my house-husbandly duties and have dinner prepared for when my significant other comes home from work (or we'd just go out and sample one of L.A.'s many cafes or restaurants, because we find grocery shopping to be quite expensive here).
West Hollywood squirrel
Hey Mr. Producer what do you think? I'm sure people would find it entertaining, really.  It may even win an Emmy - you never know!

Yes, I know my life doesn't sound half bad and not so far removed from those pampered 'Housewives', but for the last ten years I've worked bloody hard in London, so for the time being I'm enjoying being out of the rat-race and making the most of my L.A. lifestyle.
Rooftop pup lying down
As you can see, Cooper is less than amused about my latest ramblings and he probably thinks I've gone a bit nuts (it must be all those squirrels boy).

I'm sure sanity will return tomorrow...

p.s. don't forget to vote for Cooper and make one of his pictures a winner in the 4th Annual World's Coolest Dog Show.


François said...

Amazing how he grew up (not you but Cooper!), still cute.
Oh.. and I always wondered: has he got American accent now or do one of you still makes the effort to speak to him in your mother tongue ?

PS: just voted for Coop !

Jason in Hollywood said...

Cooper says thanks for the vote!

We're hoping that Cooper's accent will be a conversation topic amongst the other dogs when he returns with us to the UK in years to come!

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